Meg Was, God Is

So my last blog posting was heart wrenching. I was in tears every word I typed and anxiously (in the tied up in knots, not excited kind of way) awaiting the first family member's funeral that was a result of tragedy. I knew there would be tears. I knew there would be that heavy feeling in my gut that just sits there making you nauseous. I knew there would be heartfelt but overall empty words coming from hearts and minds that just couldn't understand why. I knew there would be sweet children in tears. I also knew that although it would be sad and devastating, that it was somehow going to be one of the most beautiful things I would ever witness....and I was so right.

Muldoon Baptist Church is everything a rural community church brings to mind. Friendly folks. Gravel road parking. Wooden pews. Whitewashed exterior. But for my cousin and her husband and kids, Muldoon Community Church is so much more. The support and love and heartbreak and prayers and faith were seeping from that place - love covered all.
My sweet cousin Megan was buried in a private ceremony early that morning (such a beautiful and classy way to do it in my opinion). Her service was a memorial, a celebration of her life.

The beginning of the service was worship music - songs full of lyrics about God's sovereignty and grace and love. These moments allowed for the first glimpses of Megan's husband and pastor of Muldoon Community Church, Will. His arms were outspread in total worship. His head uplifted with tears. His devotion and trust in our Lord evident while his heart was breaking for Megan's loss.

After the songs, the most amazing thing happened. God granted a man the strength to stand up in front of hundreds (literally - in a church stuffed to the gills with people standing in every nook and cranny and packed into an overflow room with audio feed) of people and give the most moving message I have ever heard titled "Meg Was, God Is." Will stood before all of us and told their love story. He told of when Megan gave her life to the Lord and when he fell in love with her. He told of the sweet night they had before the accident and the last words and prayers they exchanged before she left that day. He told us about Megan's greatest attributes and then through his tears, he told us about her God....about His sovereignty and His great love and His goodness.

I can't even do the message justice....I know you don't know Will and Megan, but I believe every human needs to hear his words. Below is the link to the audio file. If you don't see it immediately, scroll up to October 15, 2013 - Meg Was, God Is.
It will revolutionize your heart and challenge your thoughts about death and tragedy when it includes the Lord's people.

Enjoy, be encouraged, and share with whomever you like. One of my initial prayers when this happened was "Lord, please let SO much goodness come as a result of Megan's death, that there is no way in the world we can doubt your purpose."

http://muldoonbaptist.com/media.php?pageID=6&itemID=5

Dear God, Help.

This is my heart's cry at 1AM laying in bed unable to sleep and crying out in literal tears to my God. Forgive the honesty. I just had to write. My heart is exploding with pain for my cousin's immediate family. Not sure if this is all appropriate to share with the world, but I pray God will use Megan's memory to change someone's life.

Oh dear God, your ways will never be understood by us mere humans, and we can only hope and pray that your promises will hold true and that we will indeed be reunited in Heaven with those we love so much on this tired and broken earth.

You decided to take a sweet, earthly angel yesterday. We will never understand why. My cousin, Megan, was a blessing to this world. She was a mother to handsome Eli (6 years old), beautiful Layelah (4 years old) and adorable Lily (2 years old) and an amazing and supportive helpmeet to a man of God, Will. Will is your man, the pastor and lover of his close knit community church and as you know, Will and Megan and the kids are loved by so so many. Why did Megan have to die in that single car accident? I'm so glad you protected Eli, Layelah, and Lily...but why did you have to take Megan? Will needs Megan as his best friend and wife. Eli, Layelah, and Lily need Megan as their incredible Mommy. Uncle Mark and Aunt Linda need Megan as their sweet, firstborn daughter. Jenna, Kendra, and Joshua need Megan as their forever solid and loving sister. The Hiller cousins need Megan as the one who completes 10. Megan is a part of us all. Megan was a part of so many of our pasts, but she was the central future for a few...a few who don't want to live life without her.

You decided to take Will and Megan's firstborn son, Benjamin, home when he was 12 days old about eight or so years ago. What a terrible tragedy for them, and yet they held true to your love and your purpose. Now you have taken Megan home, and we don't understand why. I feel like Will, Eli, Layelah, and Lily need her more.

As you know, Derrick and I are studying the book of Ruth right now...and through tragedy in Naomi's life, You brought about the lineage of Jesus. You have the aerial view. You understand the big purpose and have orchestrated this earth together perfectly, but we don't get to see it all, and its so hard. I beg of you to bring so much goodness from this situation that we cannot doubt your purposes.
But right now, more than anything in the world, I beg of you to give Will an overwhelming sense of strength and peace and an undeniable covering of love and purpose. I don't think I could take one more breath on this earth if this had happened to me. I'm not sure I'd want to. Yet he has to wake up every day to the reality that she will never be there again. That has to be his life's testimony. He has to keep her beautiful, life filled memory alive for their kids, and yet separate himself enough from his love that he isn't destroyed. Our two options on this earth are to care so much that we become sick and miserable or try to pretend like it never happened and become hard hearted to the pain around us. Father, teach us how to pray. Teach us how to access the understanding of eternity. Help us to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will be reunited in Heaven. Not just know because we're supposed to know...but KNOW. In our heads. In our hearts. Beyond any possible doubt. Help us to understand eternal love and eternal connection to You. Help us have a healthy understanding of Heaven, that we wouldn't fear death and that we'd be able to truly rejoice that our loved ones got to get there first. What a liberating understanding that would be.

As humans, we fear death because we fear the unknown. I don't know why we don't know it better. You wrote about in your Word, but I wish we truly understood life after death better so we wouldn't be so scared. I thank you for what you've done for us...but I'm scared to death for those I love (and even for those who I don't even know) who don't believe in you. For those who haven't believed the good news of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection. For those who don't understand that the decision in believing in Him is the only way we get to spend eternity in a place full of love, hope, and joy. The alternative is eternal separation in a place of fear and death and overwhelming loss. How absolutely awful. Brings me to tears to even type this. Dear God, reveal yourself to all...
Thank you for revealing yourself to Megan and thank you that she is experiencing a place so good we cannot even imagine.

The only happy thought through all this is that Megan is so stinkin' excited to hug her little boy, Benjamin. As a Mommy, I get that now. I don't understand how infants look when they get to go to heaven, but You've got it figured out and Megan got to meet her son. I'm sure she's sad for Will, Eli, Layelah, and Lily because she's probably saying "don't cry!...this place is awesome and I can't wait for you to be here too!...I'll see you soon!"....but they have to be here on this earth, without her. They have to bear the testimony that You have given them. Help them to bear it, Lord. Help them to stand...with the memory of Megan as their joy and with the hope of a tomorrow filled with Your love.

Help us all...to love you more. To care for those you've created more. To understand you more. To rejoice in the earthly death of your children more. Oh dear God, help us...because this is so hard. Help us to believe your words...."I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die."

Lord, be with this sweet family. Mommy is now missing. That hurts so much. 

Ratliff Happenings....

Yikes its been a while...not even sure where to start. Most of the following will just be details of our lives so you probably don't care :) but occasionally I am inspired to write and tonight is one of those nights.

Rhyder is 10.5 months these days and is learning and growing and developing constantly. He got truly sick for the first time this past week. He's had 2 coughs, one worse than the other, but that doesn't really count. This time around, he started feeling warm on Wednesday night. I took his temperature and gave him baby Ibuprofen several times throughout the next 24 hours because his fever would spike then drift off with the medicine. By Wednesday afternoon he was at 103.5 and that just made this first time momma nervous. I took him in to see the pediatrician and they ruled out all the infection options and just said he had "that virus." At one point, she called it herpangina and said he'd have a sore throat and fever but we had to wait it out and he'd be fine. The next day, I got a text from one of the sweet moms in our new church home group letting me know that two of Rhyder's new friends (11 months and 14 months) had hand, foot, and mouth disease and wanted to let me know that there was nothing a doctor could do as they had both visited their pediatricians as well. It did indeed end up being that for Rhyder as well and we got the lovely ulcers and blisters around his mouth, hands, and feet. Yuck! On Sunday he was being really fussy and kept grabbing his ear. With all the sores and ulcers, I figured the drooling had just been because of the pain in his mouth, but alas, he had cut his very first tooth the same weekend! Poor baby was dealing with all kinds of stuff! Maybe it was better that they came together so we didn't have to deal with pain two separate times. So, Derrick's concerns about our child having no teeth have been put to rest...we at least know he has ONE tooth! :-)

He loves anything with wheels. He will study them and watch them go around and back and forth and back and forth. He is pulling up on everything now. He's taken a few tumbles but overall getting very steady on his feet. He has grown very attached to his Buggie and now wants to take it with him when he leaves his crib. My favorite change is that he's become much more cuddly before bedtime. He used to push and climb and scratch anytime I tried to cuddle him in our glider, but now, he grabs his Buggie and snuggles against me before bedtime...ahhhh...I love that!

Our lives' biggest change is that we joined a church home group that we absolutely love. For so many years, we have desired to be a part of something that allowed us to deepen friendships with people who have a lot in common with us. We went to our first get together and knew we were in the right place. There are 7 kids under the age of 5 (two boys within 6 months of Rhyder). All the couples are great and we are studying the book of Ruth together this fall. One week we have a social then Bible study then community/service/church project then Bible study then start a new month. We are looking forward to the weeks ahead!

Regarding the last posts about my Grandpa, he came home last Thursday!! After about 1.5 months in the hospital, he got to come home...what a miracle! They performed a quadruple bypass on an 86 year old man and he made it through and is now in rehab with his brain just as sharp as its ever been (which is really sharp!) He truly believes it wasn't time for the Lord to call him home yet so he's back with us for a while!

Derrick is currently in New Mexico on an elk hunt with a buddy he met in Oregon while working at Bowtech. They've had this trip planned for a year and I've never seen my husband so giddy. The very first morning they both got an elk with Derrick's custom rifles and they are thrilled. They've spent two days processing all the meat up on the mountain and will be heading home tomorrow. They took along my 84 year grandfather and Derrick said he just hopes he can be in the shape that Daddy Don's in when he's 84 and as much fun! (this isn't my grandfather who just had quadruple bypass) :-) Its hard being without him, but I got pretty used to it the first 6 months of Rhyder's life and I am so happy for him that he gets to have this time in God's creation on a mountain out in the middle of nowhere with good friends and fresh air. I'm so proud of him in so many ways and love that he gets to do what he loves to do every once in a while.

Derrick's company, Horizon Firearms, is doing well. He was on a role in September working on several projects for new customers. We are loving having him home. Life is so much more fulfilling with him around. We love to watch Duck Dynasty on Wednesday nights and gosh darn it, now The Voice is on 2 nights a week as well. Thanks goodness for DVR and racing through commercials to save as much time as possible!

My job has been crazy crazy busy. This week I finally have the chance to breathe for the first time in several weeks. We contracted a company based in Dallas and LA to film a national quality commercial for us. We pulled it off in about 2.5 weeks and the whole time was crazy. SO many details. It was a blast watching the whole process throughout the weekend. On Sunday, they also filmed Granger Smith's new music video, Miles and Mud Tires, using our trucks and our offices and such. It was a great weekend but I'm glad its over! :)

Other than that, its fall so its hunting season and Aggie football season in the Ratliff household! We love our Aggies and its been a blast being in the SEC and watching Johnny Manziel lead our team to victory again and again. We probably won't even make it into the stadium this year. With Rhyder being the age that he is, its just more fun to tailgate on campus or be at home watching the game with the commentary in the AC. :)

Oh and guess what?? A cool front is coming through this weekend! This lover of jeans, sweatshirts, and scarves cannot wait!!

Recent photo favorites:

Aggie Family! :)

Yay for the new Bahama Bucks sno-cones in town!

Lil trooper at the doctor's office. He got a pretty cool blue camo band-aid though  

For some reason this kid loves the broom and dustpan. He'll run all over the house in his walker with a very proud death grip on both haha

Daddy getting ready for duck season...and Rhyder learning all about decoys in his turtle pool 

Rhyder likes to drink water out of the bottom of a straw. We enjoy Fazoli's Tuesday Trio occasionally! 

handsome boy...he's had about 8-9 hair trims in his short life. We like the little man look, but it grows like a weed!

Oops! Got into a bowl of baking soda my mom had placed under my dresser in my old bedroom. He was quite proud. 

The above photo inspired this photo...I figured he seemed to enjoy the white powder so why not give him a pile of flour! :)

Such a sweet boy....the filth on the window is outside, I promise! Mmmmm dog slobber.